Living with ADHD: Creating structure, part 1
Keeping a diary might be easier than you think
If you live with ADHD, structuring your time might seem infuriatingly difficult. Maybe this scenario will sound familiar to you: You wake up and tell yourself ‘Today is going to be different. I will use my diary for once, do all those chores I have been putting off for ever, and finally become the productive citizen I have always wanted to be!’ After procrastinating until lunch because you feel overwhelmed, you start the first thing on your list (a list you of course did not write down, because you are perfectly capable of remembering everything you want to do). After about half an hour, or maybe even 15 minutes, you run into something that distracts you. It might be a box of photo’s you have wanted to put in an album for over a year, those clothes that all of a sudden really need to be sorted, or that book you have been dying to read but haven’t come around too yet. And before you know it, it’s late in the afternoon and you have to start cooking, after which you won’t have time anymore to do those chores you had planned to do. ‘Better luck next time’ you think, while in the back of your mind you know that the same thing will happen again. I used to be like this. Whole weeks would go by without me doing things I needed to do because I got distracted. I once postponed a task I had been given by my boss for three months because I felt completely overwhelmed. At that point I decided something really needed to change. After trying out different systems I finally have found one that works for me and makes me more productive than I would ever have imagined possible. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far from perfect, and there are days I still struggle, but overall I am a lot more successful in keeping a diary than I used to be. If you are struggling with keeping a diary and have problems sticking to a schedule, I hope this article contains some tips that will help you overcome those obstacles.
Use a bullet journal
My system is based on the system created by Ryder Carroll (https://bulletjournal.com/). His system is explained in a really clear manner in the following YouTube video:
Be open minded
It might be that at this point you think it is too much work to set up a bullet journal. That you have already put so much time and effort into trying to keep a diary, and probably will fail again, so why even try? It is a feeling I am very familiar with, but I would like to ask you to keep an open mind. This system is easy to set up and use, and is very easy to adapt to your own needs, so do not give up before hand. Approach it like a project that has peaked your interest instead of something you dread, and just see how far you will get this time with curiosity. Experiment and have some fun.
Willpower is not the answer
I used to believe that I would succeed in all those things that were made difficult by my ADHD by just applying willpower. And willpower would sometimes get me very far. In fact, willpower got me through university, a burn-out, through several jobs and finally into a second burn-out that was so bad, I am still recovering from it after three years. Willpower is great when you start with something, but at a certain point you have to make lifestyle changes if you want to keep those changes you have achieved by willpower. This is the case with diet and exercise, but also keeping a diary. It is therefore important that from the start you make it easy for yourself. When you add certain functions to your journal, ask yourself: if it still takes this much effort to use these after a few weeks or a month, will I still be using them then? If the answer is a resounding ‘NO’, some adaptations might need to be made. If you find that certain parts of the journal take a lot of energy and are difficult to keep up, stop using them. You always can add them back in when you have been using your journal successfully for some time. I would suggest that you start your bullet journal with only the bare minimum of functions. I started with the index, a key, a summary page for each month on which I wrote which appointments I had on which day, and a few pages per month on which I wrote my planning per day in more detail. During the next few months I added a brain dump section, a ‘future plans’ section, a habit tracker, and a schedule for things I have to do once per week, month or every quarter. This might seem simplistic, especially when you have just started using your journal and keeping track of everything is easy because it is all new, but as the goal is to find a lasting way to use a diary, starting of simple is one of the keys to being successful.
Be kind to yourself
One of the things that has always kept me from keeping a diary in a structural way was my impatience with myself and a lot of anger when I failed. And I always failed. I would use a system one, maybe two weeks, after which I would start to become sloppy. I would start to nag myself to do better, and when that failed I would become angry with myself. In the end I would not just fail but also hate myself because I couldn’t do something that even idiots seemed to master quite easily. If this is you, I would like to invite you to stop hitting yourself over the head every time a system fails you. By being forgiving towards yourself and accepting that this is something that is difficult for people with ADHD, it not only becomes less stressful the next time you give a new system a try, it also becomes less important that you succeed, giving yourself space to experiment with different ways of creating structure.
Adjust your expectations
Whenever I came across a new way to keep a diary, I would feel really optimistic, and full of positive energy decide that this would be the perfect system for me that I would of course use without failing ever again. I would buy all kinds of supplies, and for a week or two it really would seem perfect. Then I would just start to loose interest, and before I knew it, I was looking for a new system. When starting with the bullet journal, I finally decided that it would not be perfect. I let go of the idea that I had to use this system for ever and that I would do that perfectly. I started in stead with the assumption that I would probably fail again at some point. I only bought a bullet journal because that seemed more convenient than a normal notebook, and I started with only the basic functions of such a journal. I gave myself permission from the start to mess things up. I could make as many errors and adjustments as I wanted, I could experiment with other functions, such as a habit tracker, if I thought I needed it. But the only rule that really mattered to me was that I kept using the journal. There have been many days that I haven’t looked in my journal. There have even been weeks where I ignored it completely. But after some time I always pick it up and start using it again. It is still far from perfect, but I also use it more and more, and it really helps me keep track of everything that I need to do. It also takes practice to regularly us a system like this. It is normal to fail from time to time. But you can always start again. Keeping a diary is not a black-and-white thing: It is not a success only if it is perfect. As long as it makes your life a bit easier it is worth the trouble. Do not give up too quickly. If I can do it, so can you.
Use your journal as a brain dump
One of the things I have found really useful is using my journal as a brain dump. Whenever I think of something that I want to do that doesn’t fit in my planning for that month (whether it is calling someone, returning a book to the library, or cleaning the kitchen cupboards), I put it in the brain dump. It doesn’t matter how small the thing is, it goes on the list. The list gets very long really quickly, but that’s OK, because you can use as many pages as necessary. Of course you have to check those pages from time to time, so once a week or maybe a month, check this list and transfer the things you want to do the next week or so to your actual planning. The advantage, apart from actually getting those things done, is that this creates space in your head for other things and reduces stress.
Be mindful of your progress
One thing I am very good at is criticizing every mistake I make, while overlooking anything that I do well. I now make a conscious effort to notice when I succeed in something. So when you start to use a bullet journal (or any other system for that matter), don’t forget to congratulate yourself if you are successful in setting up the system, every time you remember to put something in it that you otherwise would not have written down, every morning you check what you have planned for that day, etc. Using a diary regularly is something that is not easy for people with ADHD and takes a lot of effort, especially if it is a new system. Being successful when using it is therefore quite a big deal, and you should celebrate that!
Be playful when using the journal
As you can make this journal completely your own, you can be as creative as you want. As described in the YouTube clip, a lot of ideas can be found Pinterest or Google. But even if you are not that creative, it is still a good idea to use lots of color when making the layout. That makes the journal a lot more inviting to use than just a black-and-white or blue-and-white design.
Don’t wait until it is perfect
This is something I have always been struggling with. I want to do everything perfectly, so before I start a new project I collect as much information on the topic as possible and think things through really well before I start. In some cases this might be a good thing, but in most cases it just uses up a lot of time and energy, and I always run into problems I did not foresee at the start. If this is you, the best advice I can give you is to just start using the journal. It does not have to be perfect, and starting while feeling that you are not ready is still better than never starting at all because you keep deciding that you are not ready jet.
Treat yourself from time to time
Using the journal regularly becomes of course easier if it is also a positive experience. So apart from being as creative and silly with it as you like, also treat yourself from time to time. Maybe after a month of successfully using it, you get to buy that very fancy pen you have had your eye on for some time. Maybe it is a special treat with your coffee if you have checked your journal every day for a whole week. Or if you haven’t checked the journal for some time, treat yourself to something as a consolation. That way, it does not become stressful when you fail to use the journal and it is easier to start using it again.
Create an external structure
I have always found it difficult to make a planning for myself on paper. I would overestimate how well I could remember something and underestimate how many things I actually had to remember. One of my biggest struggles when using the bullet journal has also been to really write down every appointment and chore I have, and at the beginning I used to only write down about half of all the things I had planned in one day. Someone therefore suggested that I talk through my schedule with someone close to me, in my case my partner. But it could also be a close friend, sister, parent, etc. By going through your schedule with someone else every week, you do not just force yourself to check your journal regularly, you also notice scheduling problems at an earlier time point, giving yourself time to fix those before they become a real problem and a cause of stress.
The positive effects of using a bullet journal
Using a bullet journal has had more positive effects than I expected when I started using it. Of course there is the fact that is easier to keep track of appointments you make with others. Things you put on paper also do not require you to remember them anymore, reducing stress. Writing down all your tasks gives you an overview of how many things you have actually planned for one day. This might not just make you decide that you are way too busy and need to change some things, but also reduces the chance of becoming overwhelmed by all those things. I have also started to plan periods of relaxation, because I tend to forget that I also need rest throughout the day, making me more conscious of how little I actually allow myself to relax. Ticking off things on your to-do list also gives you a feeling of accomplishment. One of the biggest surprises for me however, was the stress reduction I got from more structure in general. Keeping a journal made it more easy for me to introduce all kinds of structure throughout my day (more on this in the next blog post), which in turn has given me the feeling that I have a handle on life. For the first time ever I am not just in survival mode, going from task to task without any idea how to become the master of my own life. Using the bullet journal has helped me find a way to not just get things done, but has actually freed up space to start to see what I would like my future to look like and the way to get there.
Having ADHD makes some things very hard to accomplish. With the tips in this article I hope that keeping a diary seems like less of a nightmare and something that is actually doable. If you have any other suggestions I haven’t mentioned here, I would love to hear about them!
